my sisters under your porch take her home
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
