man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
