I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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