The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize