Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
