I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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