I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
