Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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