I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
