Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize