U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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