I met the friendliest cop last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize