I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
