I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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