I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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