if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize