I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
