we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im part way to drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
