Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
