i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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