I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
