Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
