I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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