Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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