I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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