He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
