If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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