Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
