i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
