Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
