How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize