We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
