in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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