How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
