hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
