If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
