Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Houston, we have a squirter
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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