...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
