tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
