what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
