My nipple is on Facebook.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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