The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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