i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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