I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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