I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My ass is underappreciated
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
