awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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