There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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