YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
