You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
