Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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