You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
