That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
