It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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