Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
