Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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