now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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