I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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