I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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