So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
