He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
