While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
