I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
