wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
