I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
