Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
