DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize