I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
