I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
