You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
