I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
