Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He has the fingertips of a God
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