70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
