Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
