READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
