I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
