my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize