I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
