Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
