she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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