After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
