just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize