I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
