Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
