I need to stop coming to work sober
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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