I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He better not be in your backpack
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize