Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
