i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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