the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize