I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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