If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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