Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
