he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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