hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
