I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
where does the pee come out of this thing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
