The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
