Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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