i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
