I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
