The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
