If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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