The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
