I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
