I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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