Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize