He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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