She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
