I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
