haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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