D3 body, D1 cock
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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